In love relationships, there is a set of steps guaranteed to inflame a disagreement and a set of steps to diffuse a disagreement.

Here are some sure fire ways to diffuse a disagreement.

1. Give up the right to be right.

2. Remember that there are times in love relationships where you can be right or you can be happy, but not both.

3. Save the hostile debates for presidential elections.

4.Nine times out of ten, an argument grows out of some unmet emotional need. Identify the emotional need that is not getting met, and there is no longer a need for conflict and arguing.

5. Entertain the shattering possibility that the cause of the disagreement might be your fault.

6. Take you eyes off the content of what is being said and focus instead on the heart of what is being said. Focusing on the content of what is being said sets you up to be tempted to refute what the other person is saying. For example "Oh yeah, well what about that time seven years ago when I did come home early from work!?!"

Focusing on the heart of what is being said allows you to take care of the emotions that are being expressed. Only after dealing with the heart is there any point in discussing the content.

Listen to the heart.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com

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