You know, even back in the seventies and eighties people weren't going around admitting that they'd had a panic attack. Earlier in the twentieth century if you would have told people about your sudden rushes of overwhelming intense fear, you would probably have been treated alot differently than you are today. Not that we're treated with respect or anything, we're just not thrown into institutions and left alone for the rest of our lives. They were called nervous breakdowns. They were called mental fatigue. They were blamed on too much stress, or not enough to occupy your mind. "Idle hands make an idle mind." So, here are a few things to look for in your family history to see if maybe somewhere, someone might have been having panic attacks and not been able to mention it. I'll go right away for the grandmothers out there. I see alot of this. "My grandmother rarely ever left the house, she didn't drive, my grandfather took her everywhere." "My grandmother would sometimes need to go lay down in another room suddenly during a family dinner or something.", "My grandmother was such a nervous lady, always tugging at her sweater or biting her lip." But it's not just grandmothers. It's the men, too. Men had an even harder time of admitting to the horror of panic. Alcohol masked alot of it for men. For some reason it was much easier to drink away the fear of a panic attack than it was to admit that they were scared. I don't have the answers to why this is, and maybe I'm wrong, but my father drank to mask his panic attacks, in fact, throughout my family is a history of addiction to prescription drugs and alcohol, starting in the person's early twenties and continuing on throughout their life. My grandfather had panic attacks, but it wasn't considered manly or "normal" to be afraid. He was a nervous, rushed man, always drove furiously to get where he NEEDED to go. He kept his finances and paperwork in impeccable order so he'd only have to drive into town when necessary. From the things I've read, listened to and experienced, even today men mask the fact that they're panicky. My father in law can't stay in a large store too long before he needs to go out to the car. My stepfather is the same way. They both start to fidget, get hot, then they get a panicked look about them then start yelling that the stores are too damn hot and crowded and they're going out to the GD car. My sister can't sit in a traffic jam at night, she gets "claustrophobic" she says, but then she commences to describe a panic attack to me. My grandmother MUSt be home before dark. She starts to show classic signs of a panic attack if dusk even attempts to come within an hour and she's not in her car headed home. Her eyes get wide, her lips are smashed together...I see she's holding her breath and clutching at her throat. "Oh, she's always been like that." everyone says. Uh huh. But you make fun of the fact that I have panic attacks...oh, yeah...that makes sense. Why not just get in grandma's face and make fun of her, too, while you're at it? I've heard of guys who refuse to go to dance clubs. They say that they get this weird feeling in their heart when the bass starts booming and so they just have to leave. I believe everyone with panic attacks has thought that a booming bass was messing with their heart at some point. Okay, okay, so maybe this one's a stretch, but in there somewhere are the symptoms of a panic attack. Some people say that strobe lights freak them out. "I just dont' like them, I can't be around them or I feel funny, I just have to get away from them." Oh, well, that's different then, huh? Nope, sounds like panic to me. So look around in your family, there are lots of little signs and tip-offs. A relative who needs a drink before they can go out. A relative who "needs a pill just to get out of the bed in the morning." One who is a homebody. One that can't be left alone. An aunt that is always fidgety and never stays long at those family picnics. That "strange uncle Bill" who suddenly became a near hermit in his twenties. If all else fails, ask your parents or your grandparents. People love to talk about relatives, I think it's part of human nature for some reason. Just know that you're not alone with this, it reaches back through your family no doubt, and it reaches around the world. This isn't something that you made happen, it was waiting in you, waiting for the right trigger to make it happen. In some people it's there, but it never gets triggered, they never have a panic attack, or they do have one or two, but somehow life is such that they don't stop to dwell on it and it subsides once again. Like I said, this isn't your fault and it doesn't make you a bad person. I wouldn't say that my grandmother is a loser, and I know for a fact that she has panic attacks, I've seen her in the midst of one, but she doesn't know it ... oddly enough. I've seen people on the street in New York City having panic attacks, if you know what to look for you can spot them easily...I wouldn't say any of them are losers either. You are an amazing wonderful person, this is the point that I am trying to make. Make the most out of your life so that someday you can turn to your grandchildren and talk to them about all of your whacky relatives and how when you were having your panic attacks you thought you'd never get through it, but you did because you wanted to accomplish so much in life, all for the love you had for yourself and your family. And then they'll smile hoping that they can be as incredible as you are. |
