Have you ever been left with a survival situation that requires a single definite decision? Is the answer going to be "Yes" or "No"? Look, let's agree that there isn't going to be a "maybe" or a "perhaps, if I do this or do that..." Just a simple "Yes" or "No". So, what would your decision be? Oh, I'm sorry, you don't know what the question is going to be yet, do you? Well, let me set a real life scene... Two weeks after my wife's friend's birthday party, two and a half years ago, my wife informed me that she wanted a divorce and was leaving to live with another man. She had decided that her life could only be bettered by living the rest of her life with this man. The reasons for her to decide to go were her own (I still don't know for certain) but she had made her choice, "Yes" to go. It was a good choice for her at that moment in time (although I'm not sure she would agree with that statement now). On that evening, I found myself stood beside a fast flowing river not knowing what to do next. I had run away from the argument and the problem of what response to give to the ultimatum... My wife was going whether I liked it or not. There was no choice left to me. My life was over and there was no reason to carry on any longer. I just couldn't carry on because there wasn't any point. My beautiful wife had told me in a single sentence that it was all over. Instantly, she had made my life worthless. Here was 18 years of love, happiness, hard work, fatherhood... completely wasted. What was I to do? What would you have decided to do? Jump in and end it all? I thought, as I stood there thinking, "It would be so easy and quick to finish it all now." In the similar circumstances in your life what have you decided? Guess what my choice was. There couldn't have been any other choice really, could there? Death in the river would have would have removed all choice and time for thought, after which there could be no "Yes" or "No" to concern myself with. Whereas, at home there was my teenage son concentrating upon school examinations... he would need to be told, carefully. And there was our pet cat that would still need feeding... it's strange what your priorities can be at a moment of crisis. But, did I want to go home? "No", I didn't want to return home but it would have meant running away from my life, responsibilities and sense of value. It would be an ending... but it would be a nothing ending... no resolution! "Yes", on the other hand allowed opportunity for a new beginning, what ever that might involve. A New Life, perhaps, with a whole New World of opportunities and experiences. With all manner of new people to meet and get to know and... Did I really want any of this? No, I did not. I'd worked half my life with my lady trying to help build a family, provide a home and find happiness and everything that held value in my mind. But, in a short sentence " I want a divorce", it was all gone. It was time to take control, of myself and the consequences. I decided not to jump into the river. I'm not a terrific swimmer and I would only have fought to stay alive... It would have been a horrible struggle against the speed of the current and whirlpools that I could see in front of me. It wouldn't have been an easy end. It would have left an incredible mess to sort out and I couldn't leave my family to clear up the mess. So, the decision had to be "No" to the quick painless death and "Yes" to life and all the resultant problems of learning to live life alone. "Yes", there would be family, friends and his school that should be informed who might be able to help my son in what could be a difficult time for him. At work, there were designs and challenges I still had ambition to complete. And there were friends who I might be able to talk with and gain personal support from. I was certain that if I looked hard enough I hadn't lost value, nor had I lost my sense of worth. There was an awful lot to concentrate upon and a great deal to do! Well, as you can imagine this was the first of many tremendous divorce survival challenges, including... - Hurt and pain
- Shouting and anger
- Legal battles
- An emotionally damaged son to look after
- Learning to cook and feed ourselves with good healthy food
- Learning to keep the house clean, clothes washing and ironing
- And maintain sanity and purpose
"YES", to the challenge of life through and after divorce was the definitely the winning choice! I'm happy that there could be no other choice. I have found something of self-belief and I have seen that I have real value in the eyes of a person that means most to me... my son. Don't you agree? Or are you a better swimmer? |
