The Real Pain of Cheating During one of the many discussions I've had with my wife the topic of cheating came up. I explained to her that in my opinion the sex involved in cheating isn't one tenth as harmful as is the betrayal the person being cheated on feels. I also told her about a former girlfriend who I lived with for many years and an incident that involved her cheating on me to get back at me for something or another. The weird part of the story was the fact that when she told me what had happened I forgave her & we moved on with the relationship. Why you ask? For several reasons, most of all because she didn't do it for any other reason except she was mad (& drunk). I know it sounds strange and no, what she did wasn't anywhere near right but to me it was a stupid decision on her part that she deeply regretted and she didn't betray the emotional part of what we had. That brings me to what I consider the worst part of cheating....the emotional cheat. Let me explain. In my opinion a person having even so much as an email emotional relationship with another is far worse than any one night stand that could ever happen. To live with someone day in, day out...tell them you love them and then go out to another & tell them the same things is just the lowest thing any human could do to another. It's funny, every time you see a movie where someone has cheated the first thing the other usually says is "Do you love them?". This is actually probably very accurate because most people feel that to be the ultimate betrayal & I am one of them. Please don't misread my words, I am in no way condoning the one night cheaters nor will I ever validate what many people are trying to do every day but I also don't know their specific situation so I have no right to pass judgment on them. Why do People Cheat? I think I've heard every excuse imaginable when it comes to cheating & honestly some of them make a lot of sense. The biggest mistake I've seen is women who use sex as a bargaining chip in their relationship. If the guy screws up they are cut off. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG....Withholding sex to attempt to punish your mate will not only make them go elsewhere but it is probably the fastest way to push them there. The other one I don't understand is one party who screws like a rabbit when they are dating & then just stop after they are married? Can't this be considered false advertising? This relates perfectly to our article on Setting the Mood when we talked about people who forget about the way they look after they are married. It makes no sense to me why this happens, but it does. Lastly (for this articles sake) there are those who, for one reason or another, don't get the emotional support they need. This is probably the most severe reason to cheat but even this can be solved by either communication, counseling or when all else fails divorce. Why bother cheating, what's the point & what will it do for this relationship? Simple answer kids, it will do nothing but make it worse than it is now! Is the Grass Greener on the Other Side? Love, marriage and relationships are supposed to be about trust in each other & the joy that comes with sharing your life with your mate....basically you are supposed to grow along with each other. Obviously swinging isn't for everyone but for those who have found the ultimate trust in each other it can be a wonderful sexual adventure to share together. Key word there is share, as in the two of you together. Throughout the past several years we have met & talked to quite a few of these sexual adventurers & have noticed an amazing trend within the lifestyle. First & foremost they accept each other for who they are & not for someone they are pretending to be. Secondly they tend to be fiercely loyal to their mate & completely honest & open with them. They also tend to have a respect for each other & anyone who is genuinely into the lifestyle unlike anything we have ever seen. Have they found the answer to the age old question on how to have a happy marriage? For the right people yes they have. Is it for everyone? NO WAY. First of all it will not cure a broken marriage, if your having problems now don't even think about getting involved until, & only until, your marriage is rock solid. But if you are both curious about one thing or another (sexually that is) it just might be the way to go. So What is the Difference Between the Two? The main difference between cheating & swinging is that there is an emotional bond between the couple that swings that is supportive of each others emotions as well as their sexual desires. Plain & simple these couples are not involved in this because they are lacking in their personal sex life, on the contrary they want each other to experience everything they might desire sexually. These couples rejoice in their love for each other & the fact that they are exploring together! They both know that when the evening is over they are going home together & that the love they have for each other isn't effected in any way by a purely physical thing. They also know & respect each others boundaries in every way & are willing to work together to help each other work towards their sexual goals, once again together. So What's the Answer to the Question Plain & simple the difference is emotional. Whether you swing or just explore together sexually you are doing it as a couple, as an emotional pair, not as an individual betraying your lover. You can choose two paths in your life together with your mate, one that nurtures each others needs or one that ignores these same needs. For those whose relationship is solid yet you feel the call to explore, look into the swinging lifestyle. I personally think you will will be amazed at how great most of the people involved really are. For those of you that feel the need to cheat try looking at what is really wrong with your relationship. If it's just sex try exploring with your lover & learn to revel in both the exploration & the adventure you take as a couple. Learn to respect each other's needs & desires. Don't judge your lover just because they may desire to try something out of the "norm". By following this route you may someday learn the secrets that so many of these swinging couples enjoy. |
