Zeb Washington pranced around the room and went back to his newest telescope. Sure enough! He had his first discovery. It would be in Astronomy Magazine. He called his wife, Latina. Latina: What? Zeb: I see something. Latina: Good, that's why I bought you that thing for your birthday. Zeb: Come back! You've got to see it too. Latina: You know I can't see into that thing. I only see black. Zeb: Give it a try, Latina. No! The other eye is better. You can't see through your glass eye. Latina: Stop joking, Zeb. Oh! I can see something! Zeb: It's the Sentillon Quaduthunk. Latina: The what? Zeb: Just kidding! The Sentillon Quaduthunk is a machine that vacuums the earth removing all the loose stuff. Taylor Jones, the hack writer, first wrote about it. But this is not the Sentillon Quaduthunk. Latina: You still read that Taylor Jones, the hack writer, stuff. Why don't you read contemporary stuff? The Wal-Mart best seller United States Suffers under Chinese Rule has been out for six months and you haven't read one page. Zeb: I hope you don't have a copy of that in the house. We will be hung and quartered on the Lo Chow Gate. Latina: You mean quartered and hung. It's under the mattress. Zeb: It hurts either way. How did you get a copy of that volume? You know it's on the Long List of Books We Chinese Don't Like. Get rid of it. Latina: My sister-in-law Rosa smuggled it in from Mexico. A writer calling himself Taylor Jones, the hack writer III, wrote it under the pen name Rolando Garcia. He was supposedly assassinated by agents of the Committee of Oriental Assassins last year in Vera Cruz. Every one knows he escaped. The Chinese agents actually killed a pig that Rolando had put under the covers of his bed. Zeb: One of your fascinating stories, Latina? Latina: Well, actually nobody knows who Rolando Garcia really is. But the pig part of the story is true. The town folks roasted the pig and Rolando attended the fiesta. He's written another book. It's Why the Chinese Don't Want Mexico. Zeb: Why? Latina: Why, what? Zeb: Never mind. I think I know. The Mexicans refuge to speak any language other than Aztec. Nobody can understand them but the Navajo and they aren't talking either. Latina: How did you know that? Maybe we should switch to Pig Laten. Zeb: Or tht ALK language my grandfather told me about that replaced Pig Latin. Thankalk yalkou falkor yalkour talkime. Latina: Yalku alkre walkelcalkome. I never heard of that language. How did you know the Navajos could understand Aztec? Zeb: Research! Okay, I've got a fix on this now, Latina. It's the Fonlikors from G78899445 cut loose by a stupid bet they lost with the Chnileieeniens. They will come in here with their Avglaitors and slice us and our captors like a loaf of bread in a bread slicer. Latina: The Fonlikors! The ugly killers of the universe. What will we do? Zeb: They are running late. They won't be here until 2085. How about some of those delicious quesadillas you whip up? Zeb hated to lie to Latina. The Fonlikors were right on schedule. To make quesadillas see http://www.elise.com/recipes/archives/000226quesadilla.php. To learn about the Native American languages go to http://columbia.thefreedictionary.com/Native+American+languages. |
